You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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