if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We need to get me chipped asap
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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