Already got asked if we're dating
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
