I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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