Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
