did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
