It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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