they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
