so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
