Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
