burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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