I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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