Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
