Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
