You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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