no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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