Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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