Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
