the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
