Got a toothbrush?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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