where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
