I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mom said you looked used
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
