what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
