remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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