Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
