whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
