I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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