for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
