maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
