Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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