is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
