I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
