I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
