I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
