i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex on a dog bed..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
