i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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