Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
