my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
