my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
