Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
