just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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