just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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