Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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