It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
