no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
