I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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