Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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