tell your sister to shave her snatch
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
