I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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