Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
