I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
